Out of Habit

I admit it.  I’m a gum addict.  I chew gum constantly.  This is a new development for me, one that just came on out of the blue.  I have packs of gum in my purse, in my nightstand drawer, in my desk.  I have them in my pockets and as a result often have them in the washing machine.  I even paused after writing that sentence to pop a fresh piece in my mouth.  Mmm…minty.  My gum chewing has definitely developed into a bad habit.  If I’m not chewing gum I feel very…gumless.  I look at it as an investment.  I’ve got the strongest jaw muscles of anyone I know.  With the exception of my dog, Peedum.  She didn’t get that massive on genetics alone.  If a burglar breaks into our house and doesn’t have a gun...or a knife…or any real threatening intent…I could absolutely chase him off by the sheer force of my bite alone.
Okay so that may be a bit farfetched.  But I ask you, what good could possibly be attained by the bad habit of scratching your ears with your keys?  Like your doctor is going to look in them and say “Gee, Louie, them are some clean ears!  Say, what do you do to keep them canals so vacant?  Car keys, eh?  You’ll have to show me how to do that!”
My burglar biter doesn’t seem quite as stupid now, does it?  The way I see it, there are a lot worse things I could be doing habitually.  Like being one of those people who leaves about a twelfth of a serving left in the bottom of the juice box or milk carton. 

One that gets me every time is perfectly capable people who intentionally walk with a limp disguised as a swagger in an attempt to look cool.  I’m not sure if this walk is a byproduct of having their pants around their knees or if their AF1’s or Nike’s are contoured to give them that shuffle.  Whenever I see my neighbor walk out of his house with his “Wounded in the War” strut my brain just starts chanting “Oontz Oontz!” over and over.  Y’know, the sound that bass makes when it’s cranked up too loud?
The next bad habit is an annoyance shared by many and, unfortunately, practiced by many.  People who can’t complete a sentence without using “Um,” “Like,” or little phrases such as “You feel me?” or “You know what I’m saying?”.  Listening to these people speak is like trying to pay attention to a conversation while simultaneously working on a Jumble puzzle. 
Alright, this one isn’t really a habit per se but still an annoyance nonetheless.  My husband is a Professional Snorer with a PhD in Sleep Snorting.  He’s also the type of guy who falls asleep within five minutes of his head hitting the pillow, leaving me to toss and turn to that horrible sound until I’m either too exhausted to stay awake or until I stick my cold feet on him and push him into a new position.  If I use the Freeze n’ Push method I’d better hurry up and fall asleep myself because I’ll only have about four minutes before he starts up again.
How about people who chew on pen lids?  I’ll admit, I used to do this when I was younger.  Then I saw firsthand what was on the pen lid before my teeth got there in tenth grade science class and dropped that habit cold turkey.  This one isn’t so bad when the perpetrator chews on his or her own pens and then keeps them to themselves.  But there are those people out there who lend out their chewed pens.  Or worse, the ones who borrow YOUR pens and return them chewed!
Everyone has at least ONE bad habit.  Everyone also has a list of the ones that bother him or her the most.  What are yours?

4 comments:

  1. Funny!!!

    I too have a gum habit. I can chew a almost an entire pack in one sitting...when the sugar runs out, I throw it away & pull out another piece. LOL

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  2. Ugh...excuse the "a". It forced it's way in before I could catch it.
    This would probably make a pretty funny sketch...

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  3. I really think that's why I go through it so fast. I always keep the wrapper of the one I opened so when I swap pieces I have somewhere to put it! haha

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