Boy was I wrong. As it turns out I am, as an adult, not only out of “The Loop” but said loop is now strange and scary to me. Listening to teenagers speak causes me to cock my head to the side like a golden retriever and spike an eyebrow into my hairline. My ears hear the words but my brain translates them in a completely different context than what was intended.
Daytime talk shows are responsible for exposing me to a lot of this contemporary dialogue. In between the bleeped out expletives and modern colorful phrases I may as well be watching a show in French or Swahili.
Listed below are the most commonly heard phrases and the literal interpretation that my mind offers.
Starting with the most comprehensible:
While I was able to grasp what they were intending with this one I still couldn’t stop myself from picturing compost baking in the sun.
Okay, I can KIND OF understand this one. Diamond, Ice. I can see that. I can’t bring myself to like it though.
Now we enter into the realm of “…huh?” I don’t even have to poke fun at this one. It doesn’t need my help.
Get out of my grill
Every time I hear this phrase I imagine someone sitting happily in the person’s BBQ while they tell them to get out of it. Either that or someone trying to interrupt while the person interrogates a criminal.
There have been a lot of substitutions for “money” and I can’t understand why. Money is a perfectly cromulent word (Points to anyone who can define cromulent). But through the years it’s been called cash, bread, dough (see a pattern here?), benjamins, dead presidents, moolah, and now cheese.
Shoot the Five
As much as these phrases make no sense to me I am forced to admit that the idioms of my era weren’t any better.
How is something or someone “the Bomb” exactly? Are they prone to spontaneous explosion?
All that and a bag of chips
“My hair is cute!”
“Mine is cuter!”
“Is not, infinity!”
“Infinity is not allowed!”
“Well then mine is cute PLUS chips! So there!”
“…well screw you, jerk!”
There are so many more phrases that I am either annoyed by or ashamed to have used but I had to force myself to stop before I drew an entire graphic novel.
I think a part II may be in my future…