The Obese Ghost

Some things are just too good to be kept secret.  Some things are just too frightening to be revealed.  The following account is both.

It all started when she heard that some people in France had created the world's largest Christmas tree made entirely of dark chocolate.  It is important to understand that while she has always had a sweet spot (snerk) for dark chocolate, the time of the month declared the need for her to devour this famed tree a state of emergency.  We stood facing one another over the bar in the kitchen where she demanded that I take her to France where she would fulfill her newfound dream of devouring the world's largest tree in order to become the world's largest glutton.  Okay, those weren't her exact words, but the meaning was definitely there.  My response? 

"If you ate that entire tree I wouldn't be your friend anymore."
"Why not?" she questioned, concerned.
"Because you would be dead."
"We would still be friends," she assured me.  "I would come back and haunt you."
"Haunt me?" I repeated.  "I suppose that would be your Afterlife calling since you would be hauntingly obese!"

Thankfully my husband had already gone upstairs to take a shower so he missed the chaos that followed.  She and I spent the next twenty minutes or so discussing the ins and outs of being an obese ghost.  How it would jiggle along, how it would moan.  FYI it's moan sounded something like a turkey gobble.  We then proceeded to demonstrate what we believed to be the characteristics of the obese ghost.  My eight month old and her eighteen month old stared at us like we were crazy. 

The following is my artist's rendition of our descriptions.

 What started as a couple of bites quickly deteriorates into full on pigging out.

 At some point the human body just can't handle anymore.  Not only did this poor girl's insides explode with brutal force, the resulting shockwaves changed the sign from "Chocolate" to "Christmas".  Okay, maybe I just made a little typo.  Regardless, the carnage was still great.

Enter the obese ghost.

Even in death she is cursed to pursue her obsession.

That was two days ago.  Ever since then one of us will randomly approach the other wearing the persona of the obese ghost.

1 comment

  1. LMFAoROFPMP!!! Oh man this is just tooo damn funny! I love the face of me at the sink