Failed Superheroes

With all of the movies and merchandise coming out centering around superheroes I thought I’d dip into the vaults and shine some light on some lesser-known heroes!  For safety reasons I have also included the strategy for defeating each individual.  They are too powerful to be permitted to run unchecked.

Static Girl
Abilities:  She possesses the power to shock whomever she touches as well as the ability to cause anyone’s hair to stand on end simply by being near enough to reach out to them.
Weakness:  Humidifiers.
Arch Enemy: Dryer Sheet Boy

Static Girl can cause some serious annoyance and embarrassment.  Aside from being worse than the metal handles at the grocery store, she possesses the power to screw up your hair!  Ooh, stay away from her!

Body Odor Man
Abilities:  Able to repel enemies with one lift of his arm.
Weakness:  Unable to get a girlfriend.
Arch Enemy: Mr. Antiperspirant

Body Odor Man is a worthy foe indeed.  Fortunately it is nearly impossible for him to sneak up on you.

 SloMo Boy
Abilities: Master of the art of Creeping.
Weakness:  Unable to outrun anything.
Arch Enemy: Atrophy…and stray dogs.

SloMo Boy's powers are definitely underrated.  He is the ultimate Tortoise in the face of a world of Hares.

Normal Girl
Abilities:  Able to do anything the average woman can do.
Weakness:  Unable to do anything extraordinary.
Arch Enemy: The Plague

Normal Girl is the most relate-able of the bunch.  Everyone loves a contemporary.

Abilities:  Can speak in Binary Code.
Weakness:  Can only speak in Binary Code.
Arch Enemy: Trojan Virus

DataMan can out think anyone!  Any idea or concept you can come up with he's known all along!  Unfortunately we are not advanced enough to benefit from his genius...

So the next time you plunk down twelve bucks to see a blockbuster at the cineplex, take a moment to remember the unsung heroes and all the benefits they bring. 

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