Does this post make my butt look big?

We’ve all been suckered in at least once.  Some of us more than once.  If you’re me, more than twice.  Since the dawn of time men and women have been finding ways to manipulate one another.  Even back in the days of the dinosaurs the first cavemen and cavewomen, incapable of modern speech, were able to influence each other, convincing themselves that a wooden spear was capable of taking out a gigantic dinosaur.

The social traps of today tend to be much more subtle.  Unlike our poor caveman friend, the people who fall victim to these blunders don’t pay for it with their lives…though they pay with either the guilt of a lie or the embarrassment of the truth. 

The pity of it is that for some masochistic reason that I have yet to understand we set these traps for ourselves!  You don’t believe me?  Let’s look at a few examples:

Of course she’s pretty.  And of course on the day you see her your hair is a tangled mess and your makeup is half worn away if you bothered to put it on at all.  Her hair is thick and beautiful, her complexion smooth and flawless.  She’s pretty.  Yet you still ask your husband or boyfriend if HE thinks she’s pretty.  And when his answer comes it’s just never good enough is it?  “You hesitated…you think she’s prettier than me!”  “You answered that awful fast, you were staring at her, weren’t you?!”

Then of course there is the classic:

The only acceptable answer is “Of course not!” yet we ask it anyway.  Suppose he told the truth…”Honey, you’re beautiful but those jeans are a bit too snug on you.”  Do I really need to describe the carnage that would follow?

Now before you accuse me of being sexist, there are a few traps that men insist we women walk through as well. 

Really?  You have a mirror held up to the back of your head, you are staring right into it, and we are supposed to say “No, you have as much hair as you always have!”  Hey, if you want to live a lie so be it, but don’t include us in your fantasy!

Speaking of fantasy:

Why, oh, why would anyone ask that question?  This time the only acceptable answer is “Of course you are!”  This is a trap for two reasons.  One, you are forcing her to either lie or pick a fight.  Two, if she IS lying then she’s doomed to a relationship full of less than adequate bedroom activity because she can’t take it back later without, you guessed it, another fight.

 Then there are the ones who prey on anyone who will listen.  The more naïve the better.  Some will get you without any personal interaction at all! 

Twelve for a buck, eh?  Suuure.  I’m not sure how much money these people make but I’m guessing that it’s a lot.  They even got me when I was about fourteen.  It took me years to get those relentless bastards off my back.

And lastly, here’s another, equally as sneaky tactic:

This one gets you because it sounds so simple.  But our forefathers were right: There is no easy way to make money.  Especially when it requires you to give a complete stranger several hundred to several thousand dollars, no strings attached. 

If someone were to come up to you and say, “You’ll get ten thousand dollars in six months if you give me two thousand dollars now,” you would laugh in their face and keep on walking.  But when you are in a room full of them and they have all of their charts and promises it all seems a little more real. 

But remember…IT’S A TRAP.

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